Sunday 30 August 2009

Be inspired fellow warriors!

It's no secret that I'm a huge metalhead. Manowar are seen as the cheeseballs of heavy metal, but there's no doubt they make some catchy and empowering music. May they inspire you in your heroics.

Saturday 29 August 2009

Minotaur torture

I'm a sucker for anything to do with minotaurs.


I've taken Trollish Delver onto Twitter, as my current account is generally for journalism/PR/social networking gubbins. So add me as @trollishdelver if you want the T&T and RPG goods. Kapeesh?

Friday 28 August 2009

Chortling Chitpo's Comedy Club

It's all well and good after a hard day's adventuring to sit down and drink the night into a wobbly, vomit-smelling haze, but sometimes heroes need a bit of a laugh every now and again to help them unwind. After all, having a G'yiperna flesh demon gnawing at your leg as your trying to escape an erupting volcano doesn't exactly scream humour. Well, maybe to the G'yiperna flesh demon. But where do you go for a good laugh? Chortling Chitpo's Comedy Club of course!

Only the finest talent graces Chitpo's, which is open from sunset to whenever the jokes become less interesting than flicking peanuts in people's eyes. Heroes get in for half price on Friday nights (as long as they have purchased their annual Chortling Champion Card, registration of which involves the hero having to prove his/her worth by producing any kind of severed head) and drinks are pretty cheap.

Chitpo, the owner, is actually a dry, serious and cynical Naga with a nervous twitch. He can usually be found in one of the back rooms filling in tax returns and generally being quite stuffy about everything. His wife, Henga, doubles up as a cleaner and a bouncer, being 7ft 1 and tonnes of fun...well, that last part's debatable, but she has no problem with replacing your nose with a beer glass if you step out of line. Sometimes dwarves who are new to the establishment can't believe that they have a female bouncer and decide the best course of action to take is to jeer at her, asking if it's 'that time of the month'. The answer is, inevitably, a few less dwarves in the world.

Regular stand-ups include: Ellen Leafwind, Hairytoe Mcgubbins, Foster Dimble and Bill Bailey. The comedy minotaur duo, The Two Hornies, always get a great reception and are by far the highlight of any evening at Chitpo's.

Don't forget, hot food is served throughout the night.


Barbecued Bear
Skiffi sticks with cheese
Roast Mountain Chicken with Crow Sauce
Rimbet (a delicious bread)
Mammoth Skewers

Come to Chitpo's, where everybody knows your name, but they all hate you.

Growing up in Port Blacksand Pt.1

My cape fluttered in the mild evening wind as I stood overlooking the harbor. The pungent smell of seaweed mingled with trout hung in the air as the last of the traders shut their stalls up for the day, eager to get to the tavern for a few flagons of strong ale. I spied a shifty looking wiry old man, his greasy grey hair clumped with a day's worth of sea salt, leaning out of the shadows of an alley. He flashed a grin before shuffling over to where I was stood. I could smell the alcohol on his breath, some moonshine with the power to kill a whale, and noticed his left eye was milky white. "Do you know dice, wanderer?" The man croaked. I glanced at him with repulsion. He slipped his hand in his pocket and drew out two yellowed dice.
"I know what dice are, old man," I grunted, "What is it to you?" The old man chuckled and held out the dice in his filthy palm,
"Fancy a game?" He asked, his eyes fixed on my expression.
"What game?" I humored him. Again he laughed and pointed a long, bony finger at the dice.
"A game of luck. A game of skill. A game of adventure," he said.
"I'd hardly call a dice game adventurous," I said dismissively.
"Then you have never played my game," said he, "the game of Fighting Fantasy."

I was introduced to Fighting Fantasy when I was around 11 I guess. I'd played 'choose your own' books before, like a Sonic the Hedgehog one where you had to guide Sonic through a murderous fairground. I liked it a lot and played it multiple times. However, when I first got my mitts on Fighting Fantasy I was taken into a whole new world entirely, lost within the yellowing pages and awesome line drawings. I chugged through them, usually by cheating, and I gradually acquired more. Every chance I got I would wander the howling hills, drink ale at dodgy taverns, and encounter some annoying bugger at the infamous Port Blacksand.

The first book I completed without cheating was one of my favorites: Talisman of Death. Unlike many FF books, Talisman is set in the world of Orb, where you are inconsiderately teleported into from Earth. Not only do you have to find your way back to Earth, but you have also been given a talisman to protect on your way. You see, if some black cloaked git (that would be Death) gets his hands on it Orb is doomed. No pressure then.
Talisman is one of the thicker books and sees you travelling to all sorts of kooky locations, battling dark creatures, solving treacherous puzzles and getting wasted (maybe not).
The best thing is that you can get it cheap second hand, so if you see it do yourself a favour and part with a few quid.

Tune in next time for part 2, when I reminisce about piloting giant robots and beating the crap out of dinosaurs.

Thursday 27 August 2009

Thursday Question - Kindreds

Most people have their favourite something-or-other when it comes to gaming - whether it be your prized dirk called 'Mavis' or favourite dice mechanic. But in T&T what is your favourite Kindred?

Answers on a postcard (in comment section)

For the record, I'm a Minotaur man myself. Hail the horned ones!