Sunday, 12 May 2013

So Johnny Storm just outed you as a racist nerd

You might have heard that Chronicle's Michael B. Jordan is in the running to play Johnny Storm in the upcoming Fantastic Four reboot. I still haven't seen Chronicle, so I can't comment on his acting ability, but I do know it was a well-received flick so chances are it's not going to be below par. However, I do know that Jordan is, and be prepared to gasp in horror, black. For some reason some people (read: racists) aren't taking kindly to these race-swapping shenanigans. After all, we all know that Johnny's character hinges on the fact that he's caucasian.

 Yes, it's that thing again where comic book nerds/closeted white supremacists crane their necks and take to the message boards to espouse their anger that their favourite superhero is getting spanked by the greasy hand of 'political correctness'. We saw it when there was a furore that Idris Elba was announced to play Heimdall in Thor, despite him being more than terrific. Or what about when Miles Morales took over the mantle of Spider-Man from Peter Parker in Ultimate Spider-Man? There was so much gnashing of teeth that attempting to read any comic-based forum was like looking at a cock fight where the cockerels are made purely of rottweiler maws.

And don't even try to make the 'argument' that "well, if Johnny Storm's going to be black, then make Luke Cage and Falcon white," because that's a bigger pile of shit than what Jeff Goldblum would endeavor to call "a big pile of shit". Minorities are under-represented in mainstream media - white people are all over the shop. Seriously, you can't chuck a baby at a film set without it skimming across the heads of 30 white people. I know - I've tried it.

I would love Donald Glover to be Spider-Man. I wouldn't care if James Bond were Chinese. I couldn't give a toss if Superman were Indian. Why do people think the colour of someone's skin is such a goddamn problem, especially in the comic book medium where literally anything can happen.

So, good luck to Jordan if he gets the role. Now can we talk about why Galactus was a cumulonimbus in Fantastic Four? And why Fantastic Four was worse than tickling a honey badger awake from the best nap of its life.