Wednesday 25 April 2012

Peakvale Wednesday: The Guild of Amateur Mages

I haven't had a Peakvale Wednesday in a while and I wanted to get back on track. So I present to you The Guild of Amateur Mages!

Hidden away in the corner of Cobb Street in Thornguard is a rather unsuspecting town house with a crimson door and a shiny brass knocker. The only unusual thing from the outside are the chalk etchings on the wall reading 'GAM'. But inside the little house there are meetings of a very strange nature - ones that are both wonderful and terrifying at the same time. You see, GAM stands for Guild of Amateur Mages, and when I say 'amateur' I mean 'they haven't the slightest clue what they are doing'.

There are currently 10 members of GAM, all filled with the same enthusiasm and drive and love for all things magic. It's just too bad that they suck at it. Passers-by have reported the sound of explosions followed by the frantic scrabbling of chicken feet, hideous karaoke in the night and doorknockers in the area gaining the ability to sneeze. There was even a time when every grandchild in Thornguard simultaneously grew horny protrusions from their foreheads and started doing backflips when they heard the national anthem.

The leader, for want of a better word, is Shallot Hemsgrey, a hobb whose party trick is to transform his staff into a long piece of polished wood. Shallot organises all the meetings, expeditions and oversees magical experiments in the guild. In fact, Shallot is the only reason why GAM hasn't been shut down yet. His brother is head of the city guard, so he tends to look the other way when Shallot is 'experimenting'. Other members include Skeevy, a ratling botanist who claims to have invented a new colour but won't show anyone; Marriana Ebblethwoot, a human singer who once created an identical version of herself who she now reluctantly lives with; and Graffer, a dwarf miner who, after a magical accident, can only talk through his cat, Moggie.

Shallot leads frequent expeditions into the wilderness to search for "anything really magic". They have delved into small tunnels in the past, such as Grue's Keep in order to retrieve the Eye of Kahana, a gem with great power. They accidentally ended up releasing a shadow tyrant into Peakvale, which subsequently killed 10 people before the Wizard's Guild managed to unsummon it. Most of the time, thought, their expeditions end in a picnic and a good old sing-song.

The one good thing about the members of GAM is that there's never a dull moment when you're with them. Also there's a 23% chance you will end up as another species by the end of the day.