Thursday, 3 October 2019

We need to talk about Wendys' roleplaying game


I saw a teaser for something that fast food joint Wendy's was doing with roleplaying and today it seems the FAST FOOD COMPANY has dropped a nigh on 100 page fully illustrated roleplaying game for some reason.

Feast of Legends, a title that makes little sense, is a downloadable PDF that includes rules and a campaign that, if we're serious, nobody will play because it's garbage advertising.

It's pretty much D&D, but some of the stats are different and you roll 4d4 to generate stats because of something about $4, which I assume means something to people who eat there. Instead of classes you have Orders, where you get shit like this:

Adventurers who choose the Order of the Chicken Nuggets are often small and quick, but they pack an unexpected punch.Th ey bring great fl avor to the party and are a wonderful addi-tion to any combo of adventurers in Freshtovia.

Often overlooked at fi rst but always remembered after, those of the Order of the Chicken Nuggets are truly undeniable with their record-breaking reputation.

Aaaand this:

Tight, compact and packs a punch.The Order of the Jr.Bacon Cheeseburger is for the efficient warrior; no movement or moment is wasted.These characters appreciate the great flavor of many things coming together in one tight space.

What the actual fuck does that even mean? This isn't enjoyable - it's insanely on the nose advertising that's positively masturbatory about its own brand.

Hey, don't get me wrong - WORK went into this. There are lots of orders and the rules seem to work. Hell, I even quite like the Feast Mode mechanic that gives you advantage on a turn after a crit. But then there are mechanics like this:

As you’ve probably discerned, food is a major aspect of Feast of Legends. As such, what you’re eating in the real world will create direct buffs that affect your character in the game. Each of these buffs will go into effect for the entire 
duration of play for the day. So you might want to swing by your local Wendy’s or hit up delivery real quick.

Nope. No thanks. A mechanic designed to optimise conversion rate?

I've not run through the full adventure, it's a tonne of read aloud and full of stuff like this:

You come upon a huge stone door with three large dials on its face. The dials have the numbers 1-2-3-4 on them and face north, east, south, and west.Each dial currently has the “1” at the top.Upon further inspection, there is an inscription on the door below the dials that reads: “Thrice repeat-ing, nice for eating, a meal? A deal? A steal for certain"

Ohh, because it's that $4 thing again. That's what people want when they're playing games with their friends - to be advertised to at an astonishing rate. Every other sentence is an ad.

I'm not completely against a brand creating a roleplaying game, but understand that what people like about games is NOT your brand - it's good ideas.

Look, I admit that I'm putting on the rage a bit. I work in PR, I understand what this is. But at the same time, it's a roleplaying game that people are meant to play and I talk about roleplaying games. This is dire.

Wouldn't mind a chicken sandwich right now.